#dedicated to Liam Payne

[acrossthestvrs]

𝘚𝑎𝜈𝑒 𝛭𝑒 𝑎 𝘚𝑝𝘰𝘵

──✩₊⁺⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧──

“Liam Payne of One Direction died.” My younger brother informed me and my heart sinks.

“What?!” I reply, hoping that it’s just a hoax or my brother messing with me. I grab my phone and quickly google “Liam Payne.” There’s already articles about his passing but I’m still holding onto the hope that it’s not true. I read through the article and it’s confirmed.

“This cannot be true.” I tell myself. Perhaps I’ll wait until there’s an official statement by the other members and his family. Later, my worst fear is fully confirmed as the boys make their tribute posts in memory of Liam Payne. Yet my brain cannot process the truth. “He’ll be okay — he’s got to be. He’s Liam Payne! There’s so much for him to accomplish and live for. This cannot be the end.” I think to myself. My brain and body go numb for the rest of the day after hearing the news. However, my brain is constantly replaying the words, “Liam Payne dead at 31 years old.”

But I cannot cry. It’s like my brain refuses to comprehend the words, ‘Liam Payne of One Direction dead’ because he’s so young and it’s so sudden and he can’t just be gone. Besides, there’s so much more for him to do. This is when I’m entering the first stage of grief — denial. Everyone else around me has continued to do their daily tasks, meanwhile I felt stuck in time.

I feel a knot beginning to form in my throat but the tears won’t come out. “Am I supposed to feel this devastated over someone I didn’t personally know? Is it normal?” I ask myself.

At work, thankfully there’s no small talk being made by my coworkers otherwise I felt like I would’ve definitely broken down then and there. And work goes by smoothly.

As I start making my way back home, my emotions are once again numb. But I don’t dare to play their music — One Direction. Because I know that the second I hear Liam’s voice again, I’m going to break down for sure.

When I get home, the rest of my family is already in bed so I quietly make my way to my bedroom. I once again get my phone and go on TikTok and there’s already fans around the world gathering together and mourning Liam Payne. I look over at the comments and one of them says, “he’s someone’s baby.” I lock my phone and start crying. He’s really gone. And here I was spending the entire day hoping that this is a horrible nightmare or some kind of prank pulled by the media but that’s not the case.

As the days go on, I find myself constantly checking on Liam’s socials somehow hoping that he posts something and tells us that it’s not true. That it was all a misunderstanding and that he’s still alive and well. I also find myself reminiscing when my cousin got me into this British boy band.

“They don’t really catch my attention.” I tell her.

“Just check out their song, “Gotta Be You” she says. “If you don’t like it, I’ll stop bugging you about them.”

“Okay, fine.” I relent and allow her to introduce me to One Direction.

I was sixteen then and she was fourteen. “Their songs are not bad.” I admit and my cousin welcomes me into the fandom. And for that, I’m always going to be thankful to her.

To Liam, thank you for all the memories of my teenage years and for making high school a lot more bearable. You and the boys are what got me through and I’ll forever be thankful for that. Because of One Direction, my cousin and I bonded a lot at school. But most importantly, thank you Liam for getting me through 2020/2021.

Especially 2021. I was in a very dark place mentally and even though at that point, you and the boys were each doing your own thing, you all got me through. Yes, including you Liam. So from the bottom of my heart, thank you so much. I wish that you would’ve gotten the opportunity to heal and become the best version of yourself. To have gotten the help that you needed and it breaks my heart that it’s no longer possible. I’m so sorry that we didn’t save you like you saved many of us but I hope that you’re in a much kinder, loving place. Whenever you visit the stars, save me a spot beside you for when I join you.

I’ll love and miss you forever, Leroy.

[keepyourselfbi]

coming back to this blog is a funny feeling each time but this time i'm coming back because i want to spread love to a community i was only a toe into is a lot!

i only really connected with zayn out of the members (as you could probably tell by one post of mine that got popular here lol) but grief is long and complicated especially for someone who was as complicated as liam was and you should'nt let others decide how long or short it can go for.

celebrate not only him but also the joy of your love for the group (and take care of yourselves).

[vogueziam]

I love you so much my precious

I love you so much

my love, my love

[liamnews]

hotpatooties: Today is #ChooseDay, and almost a week ago the world lost an incredible person. We, with so many others, are devastated by the death of Liam Payne and our hearts and thoughts are with his loved ones.

It seemed only right to dedicate this post to Liam and to say thank you for everything he did for us.

We will always be so grateful to Liam for the beautiful T-shirt he designed to raise money to support displaced people around the world.

It’s blown us all away to see how much the t-shirt has been shared this week and to see that £186,500 has been raised in the last week by this beautiful and generous community. These funds will help us continue to get vital care to displaced people all over the world.

We will be forever grateful to Liam and his fans for this incredible act of love. The t-shirt is still available via the link in our bio. Thank you to you all, and thank you Liam ❤️

[louisupdates]

With the first quarter of the 21st century coming to an end, Billboard has been looking back on the 25 Greatest Pop Stars of the Past 25 Years. Below, we take a deeper look into the solo career of Louis Tomlinson — one of the members of our No. 22 pop stars, One Direction — and how his songwriting, originally honed in 1D, has helped him develop into one of the group’s strongest breakout artists.

When One Direction officially went on hiatus in 2015, Zayn Malik dropped Mind of Mine in 2016, Harry Styles’ eponymous LP dropped in 2017, Niall Horan followed with Flicker later that year and Liam Payne’s First Time EP arrived in 2018. Louis Tomlinson, however, took his time with releasing a full project – and entered an era of healing and self-discovery that saw him realizing his potential as one of 1D’s most self-actualized artists, even if not necessarily the starriest.

Even before going solo, Tomlinson showed he was meant for breakthrough success while in One Direction. Longtime Directioners know that Tomlinson wrote more songs in One Direction than any other member, penning long standing hits including “Perfect,” “History” and “Fool’s Gold” and proving his fortitude as a songwriter who understands lyrical cleverness and crafting the indescribably catchy refrains necessary to produce arena-ready hits. Beyond his musical abilities, Tomlinson’s sense of humor and friendship with fellow 1D members also ensured fans had a soft spot for him.

However, when he did go solo, the road was slippery at first. He teamed up with Steve Aoki for his first solo release “Just Hold On” in December 2016, and just three days before its release, Tomlinson’s mother died of leukemia. He still took the stage to perform the song on The X Factor, the first public testament to the star’s strength and dedication to his musical craft.

Tomlinson’s resilience amid adversity continued as he navigated the music industry. The star signed with Epic Records in 2017 and released a few singles – including “Miss You” and the Bebe Rexha and Digital Farm Animals-assisted “Back to You.” While the infectious hooks to both tracks could have easily solidified Tomlinson as a pop mainstay, the two singles didn’t perform as well as expected on the charts: “Just Hold On” peaked at No. 52 on the Billboard Hot 100 and “Back to You” hit No. 40, while “Miss You” missed the chart altogether. Ultimately, a full-length album never materialized with Epic Records.

Tomlinson shortly got back on his feet, as he always does, and signed with Arista Records in 2019 – where he honed his talent as a songwriter, this time feeling comfortable enough to tackle more vulnerable topics in his music. His first release under the label was “Two of Us,” a heart-wrenching tribute to his late mother. “I know you’ll be looking down/ Swear I’m gonna make you proud/ I’ll be living one life for the two of us,” he sings in the chorus, giving a glimpse into what would soon become a musical career full of honesty and vulnerability.

Unfortunately, shortly after its release, another hardship struck Tomlinson’s life when his 18-year-old sister Fizzy died of an accidental overdose. Both the release of “Two of Us” and the tragedy that followed showed just how close Tomlinson’s community of fans is, as they showered him with online love and support in the months that followed.

After taking some much-deserved time to heal, he announced in August of that year that his debut solo album was on its way – and shortly after, he released a follow-up single, the rock-leaning, drumline-driven “Kill My Mind.” Tomlinson admitted that he finally found his stride. “I’m actually really proud and relieved to finally find my place, find my lane musically,” he told Hits Radio Breakfast at the time, indicating a moment of relief amid his turbulent few years.

Tomlinson’s debut solo album, Walls, arrived in January 2020 and while it hit the Billboard 200‘s top 10, it was met with mixed reviews from critics, who suggested that the heart he wanted to portray wasn’t quite there. His growth outside of commercial success proved otherwise, as he had been spending the past few years building a solid identity not only as an artist, but also as a person. While some of the other One Direction alums are still finding their footing with their solo sounds to this day, Tomlinson grew strongly into an instrumentation-focused pop-rock artist whose lyrics go beyond the cookie cutter sentiments you might expect from a former boy band member.

And soon, all the hard work – both personally and musically – finally paid off. Faith in the Future, his 2022 sophomore solo album, debuted at No. 1 on the Official U.K. Albums Chart. In the United States, Faith In The Future debuted at No. 2 on Billboard’s Top Album Sales chart, and at No. 5 on the all-genre Billboard 200, his highest-charting set yet on both tallies. The album’s success, as well his sold-out live shows on its accompanying tour, not only showed the still-standing Directioner devotion to Tomlinson, but also made it clear that he picked up a slew of new fans along the way.

Tomlinson’s self-awareness was evident on the album’s lead single, “Bigger Than Me.” “When somebody told me I would change/ I was afraid, I don’t know why/ ‘Cause so does the world outside, I’ve realized/ It’s bigger than me,” he sings – indicating that the key for solo success all along was being himself, and letting go of the pressure that fame brings.

While Tomlinson has still yet to score the major chart hits stateside that his 1D bandmates essentially achieved right away – and has been more focused on his 28 clothing line the past couple years – he’s proven that he doesn’t need traditional pop crossover success to have a bright future ahead of him. With another couple albums and tours that continue to establish his identity and expand his artistry, it wouldn’t be shocking to see him making the jump to arenas in the not-distant future. Louis’ solo career may not have gotten off to the perfect start, but it just might end up being perfect for him in the long-term anyway.

[myfandomrealitea]

I'm fully prepared to get crucified for this, but the current situation with Liam Payne and by extension his son Bear is actually a really, really good live example case of misguided activism.

On every single post about Liam or One Direction I'm seeing people encouraging others to stream music because "the proceeds go towards Bear!"

And its a lovely, genuine sentiment, but I also need people to understand something.

That child is already now, legally, a multi-millionaire. That child now has stocks and royalties in a band which revenue-wise will never die. That child has four other multi-millionaire Uncles who will ensure that he never goes without so much as tissue to wipe his nose.

"We need to stream Liam's music 24/7 to raise funds for his son!" is both the loveliest and stupidest activism I have seen in a while. And its an amazing example of wasted activism. That child already has more funds in his name than the vast majority of us will ever see in our lifetime.

At the time of his death, it was (loosely) estimated that Liam Payne left a net worth inheritance of around $70,000,000 to his son. Seventy. Million. And that's not counting the uptick in royalties over the next 1-2 years as 1D and Liam merchandise and streams soar.

Seventy. Million.

And my point is, its such a classic example of how people allow emotional investment and assumptions to cloud proper judgement and consideration. Nobody is thinking beyond "child has tragically lost a parent" and nobody who has wants to be seen as the asshole who points out that the child doesn't actually need any of this good-faith effort and that actually, it would be far better to dedicate your activism toward mental health, drug and alcohol recovery.

Bear Payne does not need your activism or your money.

But the people who have suffered like Liam Payne did do. If you genuinely think what happened to Liam is so tragic, aim your activism at actual avenues that can help prevent other children losing parents. Other families losing loved ones. Other people mourning preventable losses.

[dailytomlinson]

A deep dive into Louis Tomlinson's career, both solo and in One Direction, and how he's grown into one of pop music's most thoughtful songwriters.

With the first quarter of the 21st century coming to an end, Billboard has been looking back on the 25 Greatest Pop Stars of the Past 25 Years. Below, we take a deeper look into the solo career of Louis Tomlinson — one of the members of our No. 22 pop stars, One Direction — and how his songwriting, originally honed in 1D, has helped him develop into one of the group’s strongest breakout artists.

When One Direction officially went on hiatus in 2015, Zayn Malik dropped Mind of Mine in 2016, Harry Styles’ eponymous LP dropped in 2017, Niall Horan followed with Flicker later that year and Liam Payne’s First Time EP arrived in 2018. Louis Tomlinson, however, took his time with releasing a full project – and entered an era of healing and self-discovery that saw him realizing his potential as one of 1D’s most self-actualized artists, even if not necessarily the starriest.

Even before going solo, Tomlinson showed he was meant for breakthrough success while in One Direction. Longtime Directioners know that Tomlinson wrote more songs in One Direction than any other member, penning long standing hits including “Perfect,” “History” and “Fool’s Gold” and proving his fortitude as a songwriter who understands lyrical cleverness and crafting the indescribably catchy refrains necessary to produce arena-ready hits. Beyond his musical abilities, Tomlinson’s sense of humor and friendship with fellow 1D members also ensured fans had a soft spot for him.

However, when he did go solo, the road was slippery at first. He teamed up with Steve Aoki for his first solo release “Just Hold On” in December 2016, and just three days before its release, Tomlinson’s mother died of leukemia. He still took the stage to perform the song on The X Factor, the first public testament to the star’s strength and dedication to his musical craft.

Tomlinson’s resilience amid adversity continued as he navigated the music industry. The star signed with Epic Records in 2017 and released a few singles – including “Miss You” and the Bebe Rexha and Digital Farm Animals-assisted “Back to You.” While the infectious hooks to both tracks could have easily solidified Tomlinson as a pop mainstay, the two singles didn’t perform as well as expected on the charts: “Just Hold On” peaked at No. 52 on the Billboard Hot 100 and “Back to You” hit No. 40, while “Miss You” missed the chart altogether. Ultimately, a full-length album never materialized with Epic Records.

Tomlinson shortly got back on his feet, as he always does, and signed with Arista Records in 2019 – where he honed his talent as a songwriter, this time feeling comfortable enough to tackle more vulnerable topics in his music. His first release under the label was “Two of Us,” a heart-wrenching tribute to his late mother. “I know you’ll be looking down/ Swear I’m gonna make you proud/ I’ll be living one life for the two of us,” he sings in the chorus, giving a glimpse into what would soon become a musical career full of honesty and vulnerability.

Unfortunately, shortly after its release, another hardship struck Tomlinson’s life when his 18-year-old sister Fizzy died of an accidental overdose. Both the release of “Two of Us” and the tragedy that followed showed just how close Tomlinson’s community of fans is, as they showered him with online love and support in the months that followed.

After taking some much-deserved time to heal, he announced in August of that year that his debut solo album was on its way – and shortly after, he released a follow-up single, the rock-leaning, drumline-driven “Kill My Mind.” Tomlinson admitted that he finally found his stride. “I’m actually really proud and relieved to finally find my place, find my lane musically,” he told Hits Radio Breakfast at the time, indicating a moment of relief amid his turbulent few years.

Tomlinson’s debut solo album, Walls, arrived in January 2020 and while it hit the Billboard 200‘s top 10, it was met with mixed reviews from critics, who suggested that the heart he wanted to portray wasn’t quite there. His growth outside of commercial success proved otherwise, as he had been spending the past few years building a solid identity not only as an artist, but also as a person. While some of the other One Direction alums are still finding their footing with their solo sounds to this day, Tomlinson grew strongly into an instrumentation-focused pop-rock artist whose lyrics go beyond the cookie cutter sentiments you might expect from a former boy band member.

And soon, all the hard work – both personally and musically – finally paid off. Faith in the Future, his 2022 sophomore solo album, debuted at No. 1 on the Official U.K. Albums Chart. In the United States, Faith In The Future debuted at No. 2 on Billboard’s Top Album Sales chart, and at No. 5 on the all-genre Billboard 200, his highest-charting set yet on both tallies. The album’s success, as well his sold-out live shows on its accompanying tour, not only showed the still-standing Directioner devotion to Tomlinson, but also made it clear that he picked up a slew of new fans along the way.

Tomlinson’s self-awareness was evident on the album’s lead single, “Bigger Than Me.” “When somebody told me I would change/ I was afraid, I don’t know why/ ‘Cause so does the world outside, I’ve realized/ It’s bigger than me,” he sings – indicating that the key for solo success all along was being himself, and letting go of the pressure that fame brings.

While Tomlinson has still yet to score the major chart hits stateside that his 1D bandmates essentially achieved right away – and has been more focused on his 28 clothing line the past couple years – he’s proven that he doesn’t need traditional pop crossover success to have a bright future ahead of him. With another couple albums and tours that continue to establish his identity and expand his artistry, it wouldn’t be shocking to see him making the jump to arenas in the not-distant future. Louis’ solo career may not have gotten off to the perfect start, but it just might end up being perfect for him in the long-term anyway.

[twopoppies]

some words:

i don’t know if anyone here has ever lost a relative, or has ever lost a loved one. i’m sure some people have. but, to those who haven’t, i thought i might share some words. my mom died nine years ago, when i was thirteen. and about a year ago, i lost my dad, too. and the thing is, the grief that comes with losing someone really close is… man. the physical loss is loud. the physical aspect is really painful. it’s like something has been removed, torn apart, ripped from you. the absence keeps ringing, making itself known. to know that person existed and they’re now just gone, as in you’ll never hear their voice again, never see them laugh again, never talk again, never touch. the loss is so deep, so real.

but then, what happens when an artist dies? the physical aspect of loss is not there, because there was never a presence to begin with. so it is so different. it’s not nearly the same pain. but there is something.

i was never a fan of liam payne. i was never a directioner. i started to listen to their songs and care about their careers in 2016, when they were no longer. then i became a larrie, and i became a hardcore fan of harry, so liam was always… there. i was aware of him, i knew some lore, he was in the fanfic i’ve been reading for over five years. if it’d been any other musician, it would be a tragedy, a shock, yes, but it just wouldn’t have affected me. this one felt a little bit close to home. because, even though i’ve never felt a strong connection to him, i do know what it’s like to be a hardcore fan.

being a fangirl has always been a part of me. all my life. it’s the hours you spend in front of the computer, watching videos, interviews, shows. it’s the energy invested. for so many people it is the happiness, the joy, the pleasure of their lives. it’s a shelter from the reality of the world. it’s so important.

now that liam is gone, i feel like the shelter from has suffered a rupture. it’s like someone has dipped a bucket of cold water all over us. these last couple of days have given me the daunting realization that this shelter is not actually safe from the harsh world and its cruel ways. which feels wrong, because this space is supposed to be a protection.

for so many years now i’ve been fantasizing about meeting harry one day. talking to him. hugging him. and when i imagine it, when i picture it, i feel like it’s a real possibility. like it’s gonna happen some day, like there’s a chance. rationally, i know my chances are low. but emotionally, it’s a want, it’s a desire, and, in my daydreams, a certainty. and in my personal feelings, there’s no one else to dedicate these feelings to. he is the artist for me.

to imagine meeting this person, talking to them, hugging them, but knowing that there’s no real, concrete possibility of it in the world? it’s like the end of our deepest affections. i would be so torn. there’d be no one else to admire they way i admire them, there would be no longer a shelter from the world. being a fangirl is so much a part of who i am, has been throughout all my life, so i wouldn’t even know who i am without it.

all of this to say. there’s no physical pain, but there is pain. and it is so significant. my heart is with all of you who are hardcore fans of liam. music, theater, books, paintings. all art that is made in the world has a reason for being. it’s because we need it. we are humans, and reality is cruel. it’s not enough. we need something other, something that goes beyond, to help us get through. to have a rupture in something that is so inherently important is truly devastating. whatever you’re feeling right now is so, so valid. although the loss was not physical, something was taken. and that something runs really deep.

this thing that happened is horrible. i truly feel for liam. he deserved the chance to get better, and to go peacefully, when the time came, gently. this really is devastating. may the hearts of all the ones who knew him find peace.

Thank you so much for this. And I’m so sorry you lost your parents when you are still so young. 🩷

[enchantedlandcoffee]

Hey guys! Happy 28th! As I couldn't do a december fic rec list, I thought I'd merge them into one so this will be a big one :)

---

Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson

"Are there any gays in here?" by @red-pandaaa | red_panda28

Explicit | 7.9k | Strangers to Lovers Or, Louis is fed up with meaningless hook-ups, Harry happened to visit Starbucks on a Wednesday, and Clifford is the best

You smile all the time ('cause how can you not show it)? by @thebreadvansstuff | thebreadvan

Explicit | 9.5k | Dentist Louis Or, Harry never liked dentists, until now.

Blue Moon by @aquietlarrie

Explicit | 152.9k | Alternate Universe - 1950s it’s the late 50’s. times are ‘simple’. rock n roll is in full swing. vinyl, music and dancing are the primary ways of entertaining yourself, and in a time where loving someone of the same sex is illegal, two strangers catch each other’s eyes across a dancefloor and do just that. over the span of a year and in between two cities, harry and louis happen to find each other at just the right time. through a hot and heavy summer and a bitter winter, their journey is one of self; self discovery, self-acceptance and self love. this is a story of navigating sexuality in a time where man and woman are the only accepted forms of love by law, where learning to hide your love for someone becomes a matter of survival and safety. a story where above everything, they stick together and weather the storm. its hard, incredibly hard, but no matter the road, it's one worth taking

Tangled in your love and light by @likelarryfics | likelarry

Explicit | 95k | Kid Fic, Alpha Louis Tomlinson, Omega Harry Styles Harry doesn't have time for romance or finding an Alpha between balancing work, studying and looking after his daughter, Bella. Enter Louis Tomlinson who's a romantic sweet Alpha, determined to win the omegas heart and turns Harry's whole world upside down, making him question everything he's ever wanted and known.

Lost Cat, Found Love by @wemadethishome

General Audiences | 4.5k | Established Zayn Malik/Liam Payne, Mild Hurt/Comfort Louis hates cats. But when his neighbor's cat goes missing, he finds himself much more dedicated to finding the thing than he ever wanted to be.

The Wind It Held Us Up by @itsnotreal | hazzahtomlinson

Explicit | 14k | Alien Harry Styles, Scientist Louis Tomlinson Or Louis had a feeling there was life on other planets, he just hadn't expected to meet someone from one.

now i know what a fool i've been by @28goldens | 28goldensfics

Teen and Up Audiences | 16.8k | Enemies to Lovers, Christmas Fluff harry and louis had one really bad date last year. now they're snowed in at zayn's family's cabin alone the days leading up to christmas and louis' birthday. can they make up or will this be their last christmas together?

come as you are by @stylinsoncity

Mature | Alternate Universe - Academia, Professor Louis, Student Harry louis is a professor of literature at oxford and harry is his newest and most eager protege. both are caught in a story about forbidden love, loss and second chances, in which one is on the brink of heartbreak and the other comes along when he's needed most.

The Devil and the Deep Blue Sea by @kingsofeverything

Explicit | 109k | Cheating, Older Harry Styles/Louis Tomlinson, Alternate Universe - Beach, Meet-Cute Louis' life is steady and calm, moored by his marriage, and tied to his hometown, but after a chance encounter with another man, it'll never be the same.

Have Love, Will Travel by @kingsofeverything

Explicit | 97k | Camping, Friends to Lovers, Video Cameras Rather than spend the summer working at their desks, Louis and Harry are given the opportunity to crisscross the country together in a tiny camper, filming their adventures for a YouTube series. It soon becomes obvious to their viewers that there's something more than friendship between them. Eventually, they figure it out.

Probably still adore you (with your hands around my neck) by @lunarheslwt

Explicit | 13k | Persephone x Hades AU, Louis Tomlinson as Hades, Harry Styles as Persephone Or, after six cruel months of being separated, Persephone!Harry returns to his husband, Hades!Louis.

The Money Mark by @brightgolden

Explicit | 52k | Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Sugar Baby Harry Styles Or, where Louis is Harry's first sugar daddy who dumped him over text and their paths cross, seven years later.

Just You and I (a starry sky) by @justanothershadeofblue

Explicit | 7k | Christmas Fluff, Mpreg, Friends to Lovers "getting accidentally pregnant by his childhood best friend-with-benefits" was definitely not on Harry Styles' holiday to-do list - but apparently it's what has happened, so now he has to figure out how to tell Louis without ruining Louis' birthday, their family holiday, oh, and literally everything else about their lives. Oops?

kay's 25 days of smutmas series by shiptattou | @wecantalktomorrow

---

Niall Horan/Zayn Malik

If You Leave Me by @hellolovers13

Explicit | 5k | Alternate Universe - Vampire Niall spends too much time in his own head, almost breaking his (and Zayn's) heart in the process.

[caffeinestar]

Idk I just wanted to leave something here since every tumblr account/blog I created started dedicated to One direction since I was so obsessed with them and here was one my safe spaces to just be a fan.

I don’t even know how to process what happened with Liam Payne, I do not condone or respect the abusive man that he was recently, but I still feel so much pain, so hurt when I think about him, when I see videos of them, I can’t even listen to the songs right now.

They were everything to me, they still are, and you kinda have that hope that one day they would come back, that they would talk and be best friends again like none of what happened happened, but then the news came, and the boys made posts about him and you just know it’s over, forever.

I saw on twt someone said that 1D stopped the day of hiatus, but died the day of his passing, and feels so real, and it feels so weird that I’m mourning him, I’m mourning the band, I’m mourning the teen girl I was at their peak.

I just wish this didn’t happened, I just wish they had one more chance to be the five of them together as friends, I just wish we could see them grow old with us.

So this a post to let out my feeling and to give my condolences to his family, to the boys, to everybody that worked with him, and to us directioners who loved them so much.

[beacarrot]

Saved by a Stranger. - Text dedicated to Liam Payne.

I needed to take some time to search for where my words have gone. In the corner of the room where I danced to the band's first songs about someone who could love me "more than this"? On the poster stuck next to my bed, which will be the way I remember him every morning? From the beats of songs that saved a life? Mine, and that of a few million across continents I still haven’t reached?

Memories don't connect to thoughts, the pain lost in the current of the most beautiful joys, the sweet years of genuine innocence. And right now, I want to scream so loudly, because no word can soothe my soul.

The sweetness colored in his voice can never be altered, not by the forces of evil, or by the relentless time. Fate is funny and irrevocable... life likes to throw curveballs. It turns long roads into spheres. All I know how to write about is inner death. I wasn't ready for what was to come...

Who could have guessed? "Life is like that." It could certainly be worse, but we never say how much better it could have been. We wait for the "worst", but we pray for the "best". And what will always catch me is seeing the writing: "1993 - 2024".

Death is what unites people, as it’s the only thing that awaits us all in the same way, walking silently by our sides.

------------------------------

Part specifically for Liam.

"If I try to scream and manage to get some sound out of my lungs, would you be able to hear me? I keep dancing in my room, this time more alone than ever. I wait for your return, which, mockingly, won’t come, but wait somehow comforts my small and now withered heart, like the curse of nostalgia that promises to bring back the old times but never does. I didn’t want to let you go, but I spent too much time endlessly planning how to chase success while breaking down in fear. Mapping an escape to the past when I felt I was no longer the same, locked in a lethal and vivid attachment.

I feel like I never really touched you, but even without the tips of your fingers, you touched the deepest, most intimate part of my heart.

Dear Liam, we are all proud of the love you spread throughout your years of life, how you lent your voice to tell stories wrapped in threads covered with solid gold. For being the 'Daddy Direction,' for the rumors of your spoon aversion that always make me laugh when I look at one, for your youthful and naive love for Batman, Toy Story, and plaid shirts! For always having been and always being our red...

You make me strong, and 14 years wouldn't last forever, not for me, not for you. The love and the tender way you always treated your admirers and fans warm me somehow.

Heaven could have waited a little, right? But it didn’t. I fall to my knees in a pleading prayer that when you open your eyes on the other side, peace will greet you, your sins will be healed with time, and that our love can reach you, soothing your soul, which will rest in serenity.

As long as we're together, it doesn't matter where I am, right? Nor where you are now.

I believe nothing is an accident for God, although I still can’t believe everything that has happened before my eyes and in my adolescence. I know it’s my duty to keep the part of your heart that you lent me, which now belongs to me. And even though it cuts like a dagger, my heart is filled to the brim with love.

Yes, I will be strong with every breath I take. Your journey ends here, but your legacy and history will span decades. Home is where the heart rests...

Rest in peace, angel."

VERSÃO EM PORTUGUÊS >>>>> (portuguese version)

Salva por um estranho. - Texto dedicado ao Liam Payne.

Eu precisei tirar um tempo para procurar onde foram parar minhas palavras. No canto do quarto onde dancei as primeiras músicas da banda sobre alguém que poderia me amar "mais que isso"? No pôster colado ao lado da minha cama, que será a maneira de lembrar dele durante todas as minhas manhãs? Das batidas de canções que salvaram uma vida? A minha e a de alguns milhões pelos continentes que eu ainda não consegui alcançar?

As memórias não se conectam aos pensamentos, a dor perdida na correnteza das mais belas alegrias, os doces anos da inocência genuína. E agora mesmo eu quero gritar absurdamente alto, porque palavra alguma inquieta meu espírito.

A doçura tingida em sua voz nunca poderá ser alterada, nem pelas forças do mal, ou pelo implacável tempo. O destino é engraçado e irrevogável... A vida gosta de jogar bolas curvas, transformando longas estradas em esferas. Tudo o que sei escrever é sobre a morte interna. Eu não estava pronta para o que estava por vir...

Quem poderia supor? "A vida tem dessas." Certamente poderia ser pior, mas nunca dizemos o quanto poderia ter sido melhor. O pior é uma espera, mas o melhor é uma oração. E o que sempre me pegará será ver a escrita: "1993 - 2024".

A morte é o que une as pessoas, pois é a única coisa que espera a todos de maneira análoga, caminhando silenciosamente ao nosso lado.

--------------------------------------

Parte especificamente para Liam.

"Se eu tentar gritar e conseguir que algum som saia dos meus pulmões, você conseguiria me ouvir? Continuo a dançar no meu quarto, desta vez mais sozinha que nunca. Espero por sua volta, que, desdenhosamente, não virá, mas de alguma forma consola meu pequeno e agora murcho coração esperar, assim como a maldição das nostalgias que prometem trazer os velhos tempos de volta, mas nunca o fazem. Eu não queria te deixar ir, mas passei tempo demais planejando incessantemente como perseguir o sucesso, mesmo me desfazendo em medo. Traçando uma fuga com destino ao passado quando sentia que já não era mais a mesma, trancada num apego letal e vívido.

Sinto que nunca pude realmente te tocar, mas, mesmo sem a ponta dos seus dedos, você tocou a parte mais profunda e íntima do meu coração.

Querido Liam, estamos todos orgulhosos do amor que espalhou em seus anos de vida, como doou sua voz para contar histórias que estão enroladas por fios cobertos de ouro maciço. Por ser o 'Daddy Direction', pelos rumores de sua aversão por colheres que, toda vez, me faz rir ao encarar uma, por sua jovem e ingênua paixão pelo Batman, Toy Story e camisas xadrez! Por sempre ter sido e ser o nosso vermelho...

Você me faz forte, e 14 anos não durariam para sempre, nem para mim, nem para você. O amor e a terna maneira com que sempre tratou seus admiradores e fãs me aquecem de certa forma.

O Paraíso poderia esperar um pouco, certo? Mas ele não o fez. Eu caio de joelhos em uma oração suplicante para que, quando você abrir seus olhos do outro lado, a paz o receba, seus pecados sejam curados com o passar do tempo, e que nosso amor possa chegar até você, acalentando sua alma, que descansará em serenidade.

Contanto que estejamos juntos, não importa onde eu esteja, certo? Nem onde você está agora.

Acredito que nada seja um acidente para Deus, embora eu ainda não acredite em tudo o que aconteceu diante de meus olhos e minha adolescência, tenho como dever guardar a parte do seu coração que você me emprestou e agora está dada. E, mesmo que corte como uma adaga, meu coração se encontra cheio até a borda de amor.

Sim, eu serei forte em cada respiração minha. Sua jornada acaba aqui, mas seu legado e história atravessará décadas. Casa é onde o coração descansa...

Descanse em paz, anjo."

[i-likethesummer-rain]

It’s so hard for me to explain how I’m feeling. I just need an outlet and I haven’t been on this app in seven years but I remember the comfort and relatability and vulnerability tumblr had allowed me in my teen years so I guess I’ll try to type my feelings out here at the ripe age of 26.

I just want to start off by acknowledging that Liam Payne had made some mistakes. It’s really difficult because I feel guilty having such strong emotions about someone who I know has done some bad things. I guess I’m learning that grief and mourning are very strong emotions and feelings. Just because he did some bad things does not mean he deserved to die. I think what is very upsetting to me in particular is that Liam was never able to grow and heal. It just makes me so sad that he didn’t accept the help that he so desperately needed. Liam deserved a chance to right his wrongs. He deserved a chance at redemption. But in a way, he was set up for failure for a long time. I truly wish I was surprised but anyone could see he was clearly not well and had been using substances for a long time. His alcoholic tendencies that stemmed from one direction set him up for failure and inevitably put him on this path. But, I still don’t think any of this is an excuse for his abusive behavior. I am mourning Liam but I am in no way excusing his actions.

I’m not just mourning Liam. I am mourning the true end of one direction. I feel like I never truly believed one direction was over. Maybe it was delusion, maybe it was hopefulness that one day, maybe 10 years from now, we would have some sort of reunion. I hoped that these boys would heal from the trauma caused by one direction. I hoped they could all work out their problems and that with time and maturity it could be something healthy. The boys were so young in the band. Now that I’m older I can truly see how toxic one direction was. I’m so saddened that this time to heal from one directions trauma has just caused even more trauma for these boys. I’m saddened that Liam never truly found his place after the band ended. I’m saddened that one direction brought me so much joy, but being in that band killed Liam.

Part of me wishes this band never happened. The sweet loving boy I fell in love with through my screen would still be here. I’m so conflicted on how to feel about one direction now. I can’t even listen to their music right now. How did something that caused so much joy lead to something so tragic. I think of how much one direction changed my life. I was a lonely teenager. I had friends, but I never had a “group.” While other groups of friends would go out after school, hang out at each others houses, have sleepovers, I would spend time by myself. Watching one direction music videos, video diaries, concert videos, interviews, performances, funny moments, over and over and over again. I had blogs and instagrams and twitters dedicated to this band, and I would get to talk to friends online who related to me. It was like even if I was having the worst day at home or at school, I could log onto my laptop and one direction was there. And then there were the few friends I met at my school. I made a best friend and we were both going through horrible circumstances, but we bonded over one direction together. We went to their concert together. We had each other. Even if it was for a short time and we grew apart as we got older, I had someone who truly understood me. If it weren’t for one direction I truly don’t think I would have anybody.

One direction truly change my life ever after they disbanded. They made me realize I had a passion for live music. After I went to my first one direction concert, it was like I was addicted. I needed to go to more. I was lucky enough to see them twice in high school. Once I was in college and had the means to go to concerts, I was forever chasing the high of one direction. Even well into my 20’s, my passion for live music hasn’t changed. From going to music festivals, to following Harry around on tour, to still going to 5sos shows after I saw them open for one direction in 2014. I wouldn’t have any of this life that I live without one direction. Concerts have become my happy place. My comfort zone. My safe space. And I’ve experienced so many new things and discovered so many new artists.

It’s just really hard that one direction changed my life in such a monumental way, but brought so much pain to those in it. I’m going to zayns first solo show next week and I don’t know how I’m going to do it. I don’t know how he’s going to do it. My thoughts on the Zayn situation have also changed so much as I’ve gotten older. Initially I was angry and upset but now I see how these teenage boys were being controlled and emotionally abused for years. I’m worried about how this is going to affect Zayns confidence on stage and his anxiety about performing that he’s worked so hard to overcome. But I am mostly worried about Louis. This saint of a man has gone through so much. I just truly hope Zayn Louis Niall and Harry can get through this dark period together.

I’m just sad. I’m sad that Liam Payne is gone. I’m sad that Liam Payne never got to heal. I’m sad that the boys reconnected this way. I’m sad that it will never be 5/5 ever again. I’m sad that one direction is actually truly over.

Thank you Liam, Louis, Niall, Harry, and Zayn for everything.

Rest In Peace Liam Payne.

[haeyee]

Liam

Sometimes I imagine the afterlife is just a big white room filled with everyone who ever was. And everyone is omnipotent and all you need to do to understand someone’s complete life story/every emotion/thought they’d thought and felt is touch their hard. Like by touching their hand you download their entire personal life experience, and feel intense empathy and understanding for them and what they lived through.

In this afterlife I made up for myself, I imagine I would someday encounter Liam Payne and the other members of one direction (with infinite time on our hands, our souls are bound to bump into each other at some point, right?)

And deep down I always hoped that one day the members of 1D would touch my hand so that they could understand just how much they meant to me growing up. Like they would know just how much I truly from the bottom of my lil fangirl heart loved them and how they changed my life. They would know how I had blogs dedicated to them, I talked about them all the time, had their faces all over my walls. They were EVERYTHING!!!! And my experience is not unique at all, there are so so many of us out there that feel this intense love for the boys. And even though it’s been a few years and we have moved on with our lives, that love will always been there no matter what.

I know when Liam passed he didn’t feel that love. I don’t believe he knew the sheer impact of his life on this earth. And that is devastating. And I just really really hope that one day he and I will bump into each other in my weird little afterlife and I will have the chance to thank him for his role in my fundamental years. In my girlhood. And he will touch my hand and understand it.

Thank you Liam. May you rest in peace sweet boy. One Direction forever!!!!!

[filmfauxpas]

One Direction: This is Us—Our Unhealthy Obsession with Celebrities

Eleven years ago, One Direction was at the height of their careers. The British boy band had just wrapped their third world tour and was preparing for their fourth, with 69 shows on the agenda. Now comfortable with each other, they released their third studio album, Midnight Memories. No longer teenagers, the members of One Direction wanted to show their maturity, promising an "edgier" and "rockier" sound, according to Louis Tomlinson. They swapped out the boy-next-door sonnets for more sexually charged lyrics, replaced acoustic guitars with electric ones, and delivered more upbeat hits than their previous albums. Just three months earlier, on August 30, 2013, the film One Direction: This Is Us premiered worldwide, giving fans an inside look at their lives on tour and the effects of fame.

This Is Us was filmed over four months, starting in January 2013 in Tokyo and finishing in London in April. During filming, the band members were between the ages of 20 and 22. While the film showcased the fun and excitement of their careers, it also gave the boys a chance to explain the hardships of their success and how it affected them. Grateful for their careers, members still expressed the challenges of adjusting to sudden global fame, like losing the ability to go out without protection and being away from their families. Whether intentional or not, the film also revealed just how overworked they were, detailing their demanding schedules filled with concerts, interviews, and recording sessions. A particularly telling moment shows a producer waking Zayn up on their tour bus to record, with a tired and young Zayn asking, "How long was I out?" to which the producer responds, "10 minutes."

While the life of any successful musician has its faults, it's important to ask: how much is too much? Watching the film again as a 23-year-old, I was struck by how young they were at the time. At 12, I thought being 22 was old, but seeing them now through a different lens was quite upsetting. Paul Higgins, One Direction’s bodyguard, described the boys situation well, stating “If you can imagine yourself being taken away at the age of 16 or 17 and then thrown into the spotlight... people are constantly around them, and to hold their form and cool, and to enjoy it and perform, it’s a big ask." Harry Styles chimed in adding, "There are definitely times where you’re not enjoying it the whole time. But then you have to step back for a second and try to weigh the pros and cons." While this reflection seems healthy, it also highlights the guilt that comes with success. It was hard watching the young men tiptoe around how they really felt, as everytime they expressed a hardship, they’d follow it up with how “lucky” they were to be in their position. However, I don’t find this lucky by any means—I find it quite the opposite. It is disheartening how a child's innocence is taken advantage of by others who see them as a dollar sign.

In light of One Direction member Liam Payne’s untimely death, fans are searching for the root cause of his addiction, which led to his passing. While no one can place the responsibility for someone’s life on external factors alone, Payne’s death prompts reflection on how unhealthy the constant public scrutiny of celebrities can be, and how fans can play a part in this toxicity as well. Starting on The X Factor, the boys were no strangers to the public eye, but they never expected to reach such stardom so quickly. Simon Cowell, a judge on the show and the band’s creator, noted how “strange” it was that people became obsessed with the five boys after just one performance. This obsession only grew, especially on social media platforms like Twitter and Tumblr, where fans dedicated entire blogs to discussing the band’s music, whereabouts, and their feelings about the members. As One Direction released songs about love and vulnerability, fans felt a personal connection to them, leading to a parasocial phenomenon among “Directioners.”

For instance, it became popular to write fanfiction about the members, creating imaginary romantic scenarios—sometimes between a fan and a band member, or even between the members themselves. While most fans acted out of love, these behaviors were harmful, often oversexualizing the young men and invading their privacy. As a result, One Direction was constantly surveilled and couldn't go out without security. Payne spoke openly about how this lack of freedom affected him, saying in an interview, “In the band… the best way to secure us, because of how big we’d got, was to lock us in our rooms. What’s in the room? A mini-bar. So at a certain point I thought, I’m just going to have a party-for-one, and that carried on for many years of my life.” He also spoke about the loneliness and lack of control he felt during and after this time, commenting, “There are times where that level of loneliness and people getting to you every day... you’re like, when will this end?”

X Factor winner Rebbeca Ferguson when asked about Payne's death said “[he] was a victim of an industry’s “exploitation and profiteering of young stars.” Claiming that it was a factor in his death. Although this narrative isn’t new—many child stars have struggled with substance abuse following early stardom—it raises an important question: how can we, as fans, make a conscious effort to respect celebrities' boundaries and view them as individuals rather than idols? Luckily, in just the last year the stigma of complying with “superfan” behavior has been challenged by artists who have spoken out against it like Chappell Roan, Tyler the Creator, Billie Eilish, and Hayley Willimas. Hopefully, as more voices join this conversation, we can see a shift toward a healthier, more respectful fan-celebrity relationships.

[dreamings-free]

A deep dive into Louis Tomlinson's career, both solo and in One Direction, and how he's grown into one of pop music's most thoughtful songwriters.

Sep 3rd 2024 by Rania Aniftos

With the first quarter of the 21st century coming to an end, Billboard has been looking back on the 25 Greatest Pop Stars of the Past 25 Years. Below, we take a deeper look into the solo career of Louis Tomlinson — one of the members of our No. 22 pop stars, One Direction — and how his songwriting, originally honed in 1D, has helped him develop into one of the group’s strongest breakout artists.

When One Direction officially went on hiatus in 2015, Zayn Malik dropped Mind of Mine in 2016, Harry Styles’ eponymous LP dropped in 2017, Niall Horan followed with Flicker later that year and Liam Payne’s First Time EP arrived in 2018. Louis Tomlinson, however, took his time with releasing a full project – and entered an era of healing and self-discovery that saw him realizing his potential as one of 1D’s most self-actualized artists, even if not necessarily the starriest.

Even before going solo, Tomlinson showed he was meant for breakthrough success while in One Direction. Longtime Directioners know that Tomlinson wrote more songs in One Direction than any other member, penning long standing hits including “Perfect,” “History” and “Fool’s Gold” and proving his fortitude as a songwriter who understands lyrical cleverness and crafting the indescribably catchy refrains necessary to produce arena-ready hits. Beyond his musical abilities, Tomlinson’s sense of humor and friendship with fellow 1D members also ensured fans had a soft spot for him.

[ embedded video: One Direction - History (Official Video) ]

However, when he did go solo, the road was slippery at first. He teamed up with Steve Aoki for his first solo release “Just Hold On” in December 2016, and just three days before its release, Tomlinson’s mother died of leukemia. He still took the stage to perform the song on The X Factor, the first public testament to the star’s strength and dedication to his musical craft.

Tomlinson’s resilience amid adversity continued as he navigated the music industry. The star signed with Epic Records in 2017 and released a few singles – including “Miss You” and the Bebe Rexha and Digital Farm Animals-assisted “Back to You.” While the infectious hooks to both tracks could have easily solidified Tomlinson as a pop mainstay, the two singles didn’t perform as well as expected on the charts: “Just Hold On” peaked at No. 52 on the Billboard Hot 100 and “Back to You” hit No. 40, while “Miss You” missed the chart altogether. Ultimately, a full-length album never materialized with Epic Records.

[ embedded video: Louis Tomlinson - Back to You (Official Video) ft. Bebe Rexha ]

Tomlinson shortly got back on his feet, as he always does, and signed with Arista Records in 2019 – where he honed his talent as a songwriter, this time feeling comfortable enough to tackle more vulnerable topics in his music. His first release under the label was “Two of Us,” a heart-wrenching tribute to his late mother. “I know you’ll be looking down/ Swear I’m gonna make you proud/ I’ll be living one life for the two of us,” he sings in the chorus, giving a glimpse into what would soon become a musical career full of honesty and vulnerability.

Unfortunately, shortly after its release, another hardship struck Tomlinson’s life when his 18-year-old sister Fizzy died of an accidental overdose. Both the release of “Two of Us” and the tragedy that followed showed just how close Tomlinson’s community of fans is, as they showered him with online love and support in the months that followed.

After taking some much-deserved time to heal, he announced in August of that year that his debut solo album was on its way – and shortly after, he released a follow-up single, the rock-leaning, drumline-driven “Kill My Mind.” Tomlinson admitted that he finally found his stride. “I’m actually really proud and relieved to finally find my place, find my lane musically,” he told Hits Radio Breakfast at the time, indicating a moment of relief amid his turbulent few years.

[ embedded video: Louis Tomlinson - Kill My Mind (Official Video) ]

Tomlinson’s debut solo album, Walls, arrived in January 2020 and while it hit the Billboard 200‘s top 10, it was met with mixed reviews from critics, who suggested that the heart he wanted to portray wasn’t quite there. His growth outside of commercial success proved otherwise, as he had been spending the past few years building a solid identity not only as an artist, but also as a person. While some of the other One Direction alums are still finding their footing with their solo sounds to this day, Tomlinson grew strongly into an instrumentation-focused pop-rock artist whose lyrics go beyond the cookie cutter sentiments you might expect from a former boy band member.

And soon, all the hard work – both personally and musically – finally paid off. Faith in the Future, his 2022 sophomore solo album, debuted at No. 1 on the Official U.K. Albums Chart. In the United States, Faith In The Future debuted at No. 2 on Billboard’s Top Album Sales chart, and at No. 5 on the all-genre Billboard 200, his highest-charting set yet on both tallies. The album’s success, as well his sold-out live shows on its accompanying tour, not only showed the still-standing Directioner devotion to Tomlinson, but also made it clear that he picked up a slew of new fans along the way.

Tomlinson’s self-awareness was evident on the album’s lead single, “Bigger Than Me.” “When somebody told me I would change/ I was afraid, I don’t know why/ ‘Cause so does the world outside, I’ve realized/ It’s bigger than me,” he sings – indicating that the key for solo success all along was being himself, and letting go of the pressure that fame brings.

While Tomlinson has still yet to score the major chart hits stateside that his 1D bandmates essentially achieved right away – and has been more focused on his 28 clothing line the past couple years – he’s proven that he doesn’t need traditional pop crossover success to have a bright future ahead of him. With another couple albums and tours that continue to establish his identity and expand his artistry, it wouldn’t be shocking to see him making the jump to arenas in the not-distant future. Louis’ solo career may not have gotten off to the perfect start, but it just might end up being perfect for him in the long-term anyway.